Two years

It’s been two years.

Two years since I made a huge change in my life, born out of desperation and hope.

Two years since I got in my car, hit the road, and left my family (temporarily, mind you) to take a job offer three states away.  Hoping to bring them out with me within six months, but actually ended up taking something closer to sixteen months.

Two years since I started an adventure which has been full of risks, great expectations, high hopes, crushing disappointments, soul searching, moments of giddiness and moments of depression, reevaluations of priorities, love, hate, joy, sadness, tears, laughter…  It’s all been experienced.

And despite mixed results initially, and a few times where I was ready to give it all up and return home with my tail between my legs, it’s finally pretty much panned out as a success so far.

My primary goals have been finally achieved.  Family reunited, decent employment secured nearby (though different from where I initially started), and inexpensive accommodations in town close to the rest of my wife’s family.  At least, close enough to where we can help out her parents, and see the nephews and nieces more often, but far enough to maintain our own boundaries.

Of course, the adventure goes on, with more of the aforementioned likely to be experienced in the future.  But that’s called normal life, and I’ll take what I can get.  Because the joys usually end up outweighing the sorrows.

For those readers out there that may be new to the show, it started here.  Actually a lot of back story before that, but once things started happening, they started happening fast.

Up to that point, my life had gotten stagnant.  I was suffering from long-term unemployment, and the depression accompanying it.  Job prospects where we were at the time were bleak.  We were living off my severance and unemployment (which was starting to run dry), and my wife’s night job, which was an hour commute each way.  On top of that, we had recently ended up with an unexpected (but much loved) addition to our household (AJ) courtesy of an irresponsible prodigal daughter.

I had already made a trip out to Texas several months before for a possible job lead that didn’t pan out, so looking out of state for a job was certainly not out of the question.

One day I had been trolling around online for jobs in my particular field and a listing popped up in Arkansas that fit me perfectly.  Half-jokingly, I asked my wife if she could bear to live near her family again if it meant I had a job.  Possibly half-joking herself, she told me to go ahead and apply for it.

They emailed me a week later, telling me they wanted an interview.

And so the adventure began.

I won’t bother rehashing here all that’s happened since, you can look through my archives if you’re interested.  But suffice to say, it’s been a long, strange trip, and a wild adventure.

My wife later told me that in reality she had seriously mixed feelings about coming back to Arkansas and living close to her family, having escaped them and their dysfunction twelve years before, but she consented because she felt like she needed to be closer to her parents, whose health was (and still is) poor and getting worse.  I told her that if she had clearly told me that she didn’t want to come back here I would have never applied to that job.  That was a bit of a contentious point between us, and sometimes still is when her family tries to step beyond our boundaries, but I think we’re getting past that.

I also found myself unexpectedly ministering in a way to a young nephew of ours (JJ) who was growing up in a very difficult and dysfunctional family situation and was utterly miserable with life.  Though his situation hasn’t changed a great deal and I’m still nervous as to how he’ll handle his fast-approaching teen years, he seems to be coping much better now than two years ago, when I first came out.

Speaking of JJ (you know I’m due for an update with him, aren’t you?) we got to have him last weekend after not having him around for well over a month.  Though I had to work, I did sacrifice some of my sleep to spend time with him.  We took him to a church social Saturday evening (which is one of the few times recently that I’ve actually been able to spend quality time with my family, with JJ as an addition) and after work Sunday morning I took him out for DQ and the park by the river (someplace we tend to spend a lot of time at).  Of course the price I paid for my time with him was after taking him home Sunday evening my four hours of sleep in the past 36 hours finally caught up with me and I totally collapsed into bed oblivious to the world for the next twelve hours.  My body and brain had shut down so suddenly and completely that I remember nothing after taking him home until I woke up next morning.  Luckily I didn’t have to work that night.  But it was all worth the time with him.

I’m discovering that, for as well as things have been turning out,  I do have one regret – missing out on sixteen months worth of AJ’s babyhood.  I don’t think I have to say I loved him to death the moment he was first brought to us, but I’ve never really been into babies.  I’ve always preferred them when they get older and start walking, showing their own personalities, being able to really connect with them and them responding to you.  Little babies are just so helpless, and they tend to scare me because they need so much.

But I do wish I could get that time away from him back.  That I can watch him grow and progress from that helpless little baby to the growing and rambunctious two-year-old that we have today.  That I would’ve had that bonding time with him, rather than still having to play catch-up now.  He’s becoming more and more used to me, and does call me “Dada”, but I still feel like I’m playing second fiddle to my wife and daughter in his life.  He’ll come to me for comfort if no one else is around, but often won’t give me the time of day when Mama and Sissy are around (since we’re raising him as our own, that’s what he calls them).

Of all the sacrifices I’ve made the past two years, that one’s been the hardest.  I know that I have years in the future to bond with him, but I can never, ever, get those sixteen months I was gone back with him.  My one biggest regret.

Aside from that, despite times where it looked like it was all going to fall apart, it’s been a success.  And hopefully will continue to be as we go into the holiday season as a finally reunited family.

For all my regular readers who’s been with me this whole time, thank you for staying with me for this adventure.  And for those who recently have joined the party and feel like sticking around, feel free to join me for any future adventures that I share here.