Boy, Colorado sure has been drinking the koolaid marked “STUPID” lately. Makes me ashamed to admit I once seriously thought of moving there.
Then again, I was once a resident of the People’s Republik of Kaliforniastan for fifteen years, including two spent in the San Fran Bay Area. Lots of good times there, but couldn’t stand the bass-ackwards politics there, or the steady erosion of the rights of the people.
I mean, seriously, Colorado. Pissing, crapping, and puking on cue is something reserved for species lower on the evolutionary chain in the animal kingdom. Like reptiles. So in order for women to defend themselves from being demeaned they must demean themselves further by behaving like a pissed off alligator, or snake. Or a turkey vulture. Or perhaps one of these.
If women could do any of these things on cue, they’d never have a thing to worry about, ever again. Guns, knives, tasers, pepper or bear spray would be totally unnecessary.
So what’s a poor girl to do to stave off the hordes of rapists?
She needs a hero to save her. A superhero.
She needs Doodieman!
A masked crime crusader who will thwart the most brazen of criminals with his scatological leavings. Who will bury rapists under an avalanche of his fecal offerings. Who will make the baddest of the badasses leave the scene so quickly, they may well leave skidmarks of their own!
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…. (fraaaaap) Doodieman!
(Disclaimer: link is NSFW. If you are offended or grossed out by juvenile and immature poop humor and poop animations, don’t follow the link. This one dips a little below even my own liberal standards, but I thought it would serve as great satire.)