A little something I found on FB and thought that I’d share. Some pretty good advice given in a list form by an author unknown, enhanced by my own commentary. Some of my comments are thoughtful, some are humorous, and some are just crap I thought up. You be the judge.
Warning: fairly long, so make sure you have some time to kill before going further.
One high school teacher’s list of 100 wisest words (and my comments in italics)
- author unknown
1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them. Unless it’s ice cold.
2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message. How rude!
3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. Unless it involves insane heights without a parachute or ridiculous depths without breathing apparatus…
4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck. I’d think they owe me for intruding on my time, unless they can pull dollar bills out of my ears…
5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government. I’m not so sure about our current government…
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it. That doesn’t mean “tell your wife or best friend and swear them to secrecy”.
7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’. My suckage at basketball is legendary, it doesn’t matter where or how free my throws are.
8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Yep.
9. Don’t dumb it down. We all may not be rocket scientists, but we’re not all drooling idiots.
10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut. Ain’t that the truth.
11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack. I’ve been known not to unpack even after a week.
12. Never park in front of a bar. Sound advice.
13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly. An ounce of preparation is worth staving off a ton of headache.
14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend. Well, two out of three ain’t bad.
15. Hold your heroes to a high standard. And remember they can, and often do, fall off pedestals.
16. A suntan is earned, not bought. I gave up trying years ago and prefer overcast days anyway.
17. Never lie to your doctor. Can I fudge about the occasional ice cream binge?
18. All guns are loaded. Especially if you’re being careless with one!
19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know. That one may earn you a “here’s your sign”.
20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once. I need to remember this one.
21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year. Cellphone and TV are easy, but the internet…
22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good. Take it home instead.
23. A handshake beats an autograph. True, but autographs won’t wash away, so long as you don’t leave it in your pants pocket…
24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out. AJ, are you listening? As well as all you people at Walmart?
25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short. If you’re going to look ridiculous, might as well do so deliberately and go whole hog.
26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature. Never thought of this, will have to try sometime.
27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event. Another piece of good advice.
28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets. And a comfortable place to sit, or lie down.
29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it. Unless you shut down your computer, mute the phone, and hang a “do not disturb” sign on your door or cubicle…
30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends. Or about nothing but yourself.
31. Eat lunch with the new kids. As long as they’re not murmuring “redrum” to themselves. But then again, they may make the most interesting company…
32. When traveling, keep your wits about you. And don’t rely solely on your GPS.
33. It’s never too late for an apology. As long as you do better than an “I’m sorry, but…”
34. Don’t pose with booze. Because somehow, a pic WILL find it’s way to all current and future HR departments that you work or apply at.
35. If you have the right of way, take it. Don’t be like the other dingleberries at a four way stop.
36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname. But you can live up to it.
37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family. No shit…
38. Never push someone off a dock. Unless you’re my nephew Mark, and ask permission first…
39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant. Hell hath no fury…
40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it. Don’t make others ashamed of theirs because of you.
41. Don’t make a scene. Unless you’re getting paid for it.
42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best. Yep.
43. Know when to ignore the camera. So long you’re not sitting on the toilet.
44. Never gloat. Karma can be a real bitch.
45. Invest in good luggage. Even if it’s only a weekend backpack.
46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too. Always.
47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser. Even badly feigned surprise is better.
48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp. A couple of family members – yes, I’m calling you out.
49. Give credit. Take blame. That’s called integrity.
50. Suck it up every now and again. See previous comment.
51. Never be the last one in the pool. Unless you see what suspiciously looks like a floating Baby Ruth…
52. Don’t stare. And don’t do or wear things that make people do the same to you, unless you like attracting attention.
53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally. Yes, SIR!
54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once. Hopefully…
55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking. Something about dead horses…
56. Admit it when you’re wrong. And learn from your mistake.
57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done. I wish my nephew JJ would get this one…
58. Look people in the eye when you thank them. Yep.
59. Thank the bus driver. Appreciation for someone used to dealing with BS goes a long way.
60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table. Or at church, or in a movie theater…
61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Hardest ones to forgive, but just as necessary as forgiving others.
62. Know at least one good joke. And the proper audience for it.
63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son. I’d rather boo than call him some of the names less polite people do…
64. Know how to cook one good meal. Better yet, at least be able to do one meal for each day of the week.
65. Learn to drive a stick shift. A vastly underappreciated skill and joy that’s fast disappearing.
66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime. The best reflection you have is how the younger kids look up to you.
67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself. Cheaper, too.
68. Dance with your mother/father. They won’t laugh at your lack of ability. Too much…
69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work. Nobody will forget you making an ass out of yourself.
70. Always thank the host. Good manners 101.
71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late. The only stupid question is the one that didn’t get asked, causing you to screw up the works.
72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes. Really? I barely keep up with mine.
73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt. Especially when lounging around the house.
74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. I try to be, but confess I’ve been sometimes guilty of the latter.
75. Keep your word. Remember my comments about integrity? Big time.
76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately. Unless you’re prone to napping, like I.
77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months. I can’t believe this one need mentioning.
78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs. Besides they, like police officers and judges, wield the power to make your life absolutely miserable.
79. Don’t be the talker in a movie. Okay, I’m sometimes guilty of this at home.
80. The opposite sex likes people who shower. Especially before sex. And after sex. And sometimes, even during sex…
81. You are what you do, not what you say. Be a person of action, not just words.
82. Learn to change a tire. My wife and two of my daughters can, so can you.
83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them. And so do you.
84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it. And listen patiently when your elders give you unsolicited advice.
85. Don’t litter. There’s a lot of things people may think of me, but not a slob.
86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important. Better to abstain from offering opinions here unless asked, or boyfriend is total jerk.
87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest. Just ask my wife…
88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm. Where has this one gone?
89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly. And the light blues.
90. Make the little things count. They do add up, both positively and negatively.
91. Always wear a bra at work. Uhh, I don’t need one, my man-boobs aren’t THAT big yet…
92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it. Good advice for our daughters.
93. You’re never too old to need your mom. Or your dad.
94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill. But I do give great foot massages…
95. Know the words to your national anthem. Especially if you sing it solo in front of a crowd!
96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone. A couple stiff drinks don’t hurt either.
97. Smile at strangers. Unless they’re talking to themselves.
98. Make goals. And realistic plans of how to achieve them.
99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime. If so, then I must still be pretty young.
100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard. And fight to win, or at least for an opportunity to get the hell out of there.