Speak no evil

I’ve always had a policy, ever since I started blogging, that my Facebook is for (relatively) family friendly stuff, and the more personal and potentially inflammatory stuff goes here.  If it’s really deep, I’ll lock the post and control who has access to it.  This is where I vent, where I feel I can do so in relative safety, without starting any family drama.

I know I’ve slagged a few family members here myself.  But no personal information is revealed here about anybody, and this blog isn’t advertised to any family members.  And I do have a few self-imposed limits, particularly one where I refuse to criticize or advertise any personal issues between my wife & I.

I wish I could teach my adult children to follow these guidelines.

I already related some of the issues in a previous post.  Yes Dear & I decided the best thing we could do was support Panda Bear & her new boyfriend in their relationship, wherever it may go, and encourage both to tie up the loose ends with their prior exes without getting overly involved in each other’s issues, so everybody could move on and the drama could (hopefully) be minimized.

Unfortunately, youngest daughter PBJ doesn’t share our views.  She still has some issues with her sister & her past behavior.  And she’s also friends with the boyfriend’s ex.  So she feels like she’s stuck in the middle, which I understand.  What I don’t understand is her inability sometimes to consider the consequences of her behavior and actions.  She posted an inflammatory reply to her sister’s Thanksgiving greeting, including some personal information that wasn’t meant to be publicly revealed.  What followed was 40-plus replies of some of the ugliest vitriol and invective I’ve ever seen posted on FB, mostly from the trash family of Panda Bear’s ex.  Of course a couple more family members of ours decided to jump in, including one from me where I pretty much stated that THE SHIT NEEDS TO STOP NOW, before Panda Bear finally got in and killed the thread.  I ended up saving a screen shot of the whole affair, due to the fact that some threats were made, in case things continue to escalate outside of FB.

If PBJ was still a minor living in my home, I would’ve dropped the Dad hammer on her and banned her from FB and electronic devices for a while.  Unfortunately I don’t have that option, being she’s a 22yo adult and the laptop is hers, bought with her own money that she earned.

But since she’s living in our household, I’m tempted to drop the hammer in some other way.  She needs to grow up, understand that her words and actions sometimes affect other people, and take responsibility for them.

And I don’t like drama in my home.  From within, from without.  From ANYBODY.

So dear readers, let this be my PSA for the day.  Follow your grandmother’s advice and say nothing at all if you can’t say anything nice.  Particularly on FB.  If you gotta vent, start a blog and vent there.  Take your best friend for a drive or out for coffee, and vent to them in private.

And if you absolutely can’t resist a shot at someone on FB, that’s why there’s a private message feature.  Please use it.  Leave the rest of the family out of it.

In short, if you want to be treated like an adult, start acting like a fucking adult.

Okay.  I’m done venting.

6 thoughts on “Speak no evil

  1. Password protect access to the internet. Change as needed.

    And our 18 year old pays for his own phone…but I have no qualms about appropriating it overnight, so he’s not texting and staying up. His school grades suck, It’s like taking a drug away from him.

    • Tempting, but I need a little more support for such action from the Senate in this house (if you catch my drift). I can, though, issue executive orders if absolutely necessary. In the meantime, my open displeasure will probably do.

  2. My brother mentioned Facebook to my mother, and it’s been disastrous ever since. The woman ‘friended’ people I had gone to high school with, and people I was friends with, and then proceeded to learn all that she could about me from them. She’s used the social network as a means of trashing me on a regular basis. Then again, we have had a toxic relationship my entire life. So I will be leaving Facebook after the holidays. I’ll probably start a quiet, private blog with access to a few people, and let her find someone else in the family to trash.

    I feel for you. And hey, as long as PBJ lives in your house, she DOES have to follow your house rules. I agree with yanking her wifi privileges if need be.

  3. If she’s living with you, she follows your rules, period. I don’t care how old she may be – she should respect you and your wishes.

    I’m increasingly off FB… it can be a little confining at times and too dramatic at others… and like you, I don’t care for drama. Good luck!!

  4. I never, ever criticize family on FB or my blogs. I can’t run the risk of them seeing it. If I do have an issue, a phonecall suffices. I find myself keeping quiet on FB more often, especially on political and religious posts. Not worth the hassle.

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