A particular co-worker of mine has a real heinie fetish. He’s a great guy to work with, but everytime one of our female coworkers pass by you can just see his eyes follow their posterior. And since the paper drill and cutter are across from his press, he has a grand old time whenever one of them is hunched over cutting or drilling. Then, even though he knows I could care less most of the time, he whispers to me, “Dave, check out that ass”.
Before anyone out there starts screaming sexual harassment, I just want to clarify that the women at work are guiltier than the men when it comes to talking about naughty subjects. I’ve walked into the breakroom more than once to listen to some of our fine ladies comparing, uh, packages. And my coworker, whom I’ll refer to as H, is pretty much regarded as harmless by the women and they joke around with him as much as he does with them. He’s a good guy and doesn’t treat any of them disrespectfully. They all but admitted that they like to give H a little show just to torture him. This is not unusual behavior at my work, we all need to have some fun to break up the monotony. So I hope my almost-universal female readership isn’t bothered too much by such things, because this is definitely male humor. But us guys have to have some fun, too.
Oh yeah, H is the same coworker that I embarrassed when he asked me if I got some. That episode was a little more tongue-in-cheek than I originally let on, it’s a sort of running joke between us that I let go a little farther than usual just to get a reaction out of him. Something about being Persian* and raised in a Muslim environment must’ve caused a lot of sexual repression that he couldn’t wait to release when he came to live here in the States many years ago.
But one female in particular he’s always commenting about her ass. How wonderful it looks, what he’d like to do with it (duh!), how he’d like to frame it, what kind of dessert he’d want with it (seriously!), you name it. I’ve even had to chide him at times, reminding him that he’s happily married and it’s not worth throwing away that many years over a piece of ass. I constantly ask him, “is that ALL you think about?”.
Well, I’ve been warning him for a while. Now I’m going to do it. I’m going to tack up a picture at his workstation of exactly what he wants and enjoys the most:
so he’ll have some more ass to check out.
Ba-dum bum bum.
* he’d rather be thought of as Persian than Iranian.